Rules for backyard cricket

Finally, a definitive guide (or is it) to backyard cricket.

• Backyard cricket is serious summer business.
• Some backyard cricket rules are vital – underarm bowling is for kids and the elderly only.
• Six and out if you hit it over the neighbours fence. And you’re going to have to get that ball back.

1 MAKE SURE THE TEAMS ARE BALANCED

Ages, ability, level of inebriation all need to be taken into account. Teams must be made up of equal numbers.

2 THE FIELD AND EQUIPMENT
No taped balls allowed, and the crease must be clearly marked.

3 FIRST BALL, NOT OUT
Controversial, maybe – but the first ball has gotta be a free hit. Come on, you can’t have the kids grown-ups in tears.

4 LBW – NO WAY, MATE
Come on. International test umpires have difficulty with LBW. Without Hawkeye in the backyard, it’s going to be the cause of endless arguments. Best left alone.

5 AUTOMATIC WICKET KEEPER
Whoever’s nearest is it.

6 TIPPITY RUN
If you hit the ball, you run – no arguments.

7 UNDERARM BOWLING
For kids only. Or maybe your grandmother.

8 ONE HAND, ONE BOUNCE
You know the score. It makes for some spectacular catches.

9 SIX AND OUT
Tempted to show off by wellying it over the neighbour’s fence or into the pool? You’ll get the six. But it’ll be the last thing you do. Apart from getting the ball back, of course.

10 YOU’RE OUT
As well as being caught, you get out in a few other ways – smashing a window, hitting kids or animals, or denting a car (unless it’s your annoying brother-in-law’s).

11 GAME OVER

Being too dark to see, dinner being ready to eat or the ball being lost – or eaten by the dog – are all valid reasons for time to be called.